Everyday we make a choice whether we're aware of it or not. Most people, myself included have fallen into a repetitive trap we struggle to get out of, once we've realized we're in it. The trap is deciding that we're right, no matter the consequences. Being right or being happy is that trade off.
The way I've fallen into this trap is with my siblings. As a 37 year old woman, time and time again I find myself unable to handle being around them. Growing up in a large family as one of the youngest I have always struggled to be heard. (Probably why I'm a writer.) Being told to shush or grow up by my older sibling has been the norm for me. However, in the last seven years I have begun to speak up and stand my ground to be heard.
Unfortunately, it's come at a price. I've been labeled as a trouble maker. Instead of listening to the little sister who's now not afraid to speak up a full blown war has begun. The sibling rivalry has changed into an all our battle for power. Party because I won't cower to them any longer and partly because I allowed them to dominate over me for far too long.
I realize I created my situation by allowing them to speak for me at family meetings and functions. Not saying anything when I don't agree with their views or keeping quiet instead of standing up when criticism was given. Usually, I would suppress any of the anger I was feeling towards them. Seven years ago for reasons unknown to me I no longer could suppress it any longer. Instead of dealing with it in a healthy way I began exploding and leaving bitter feeling of resentment all over. So, now being aware of the problem and want things to change. I now have to find a better path for myself.
As you already know I believe in change and with that change I've decided I don't need to be right, I'd rather be happy. In order to make a difference I'm moving forward and learning better coping skills for dealing with family members. Especially, the control freaks who feel they need to tell me how to live. I don't like being controlled, which stems from being in an abusive first marriage. (Only around some, do I get sucked down into this negative and toxic cycle of destructive behavior.)
In my family there are only three who are the big hitters, who are the dominating ones, that must be right at all costs. The rest of the siblings are willing to listen and take others feelings into account. Realizing this I know that for now I'll have to stay away from them until I've learned some very strong coping skills.
Instead of dealing with the hard hitting family members, I'm going to work with those that are less contentious and troubling. Baby steps. The progress will most likely be slow and bumpy, but I'm willing to try. I'm not expecting everything to be prefect or that we'll all end hugging it out, but we may start building some boundaries that we can work with.
Families can bring so much drama and heartache. Since I'm on this journey right now, I would love to know how others out there have learned how to deal with family drama. What are the skills that have worked? How would you handle family contention?
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