I'll Keep The Wrinkles

  Now in my late 30's I'm starting to gain a sense of self. The older I get the better life seems to become. I know a lot of people would take back their teenage bodies if they could, but I have to say I wouldn't. Honestly.

   Yes, my body isn't perfect and thin like it had once been, and stretchmarks from childbirth are apparent, however the knowledge I've gained as I've grown up, is worth every wrinkle and stretchmark I have. I feel a sense of pride with them, maybe even wearing them like a badge of honor.

   As a Teenager I felt so conflicted to who I was and what I wanted. I was gangly,  awkward, and confused. I hated high school. Especially because of the social ramifications that existed and I had much bigger dreams than where permitted in the classroom. I found school too restrictive to my personality.

   For example I was constantly in trouble for daydreaming. I don't even remember how many detentions I earned for "not paying attention."  I also was sent to the school councilor for a possible learning disorder. (Which came up inconclusive, and instead I was labeled a slacker.)

   My teen years were not the high point of my life, for me life didn't come into focus until the birth of my children and even then, it was fuzzy at times. I learned so much from watching my children grow and mature and I still learn from them on a daily basis.

   At the age of 19, I decided to marry and become a mother, by twenty two I was divorced with two children, with nothing but a high school diploma. I realized things needed to change and I was responsible for making them change, so I enrolled in college and moved back to my parents house. Can anyone say humble pie?

   Although things didn't turn out the way I had planned, (never did get that college degree I wanted) a year later I met and married a great guy that took on the responsibility of two children. Together we had three more children and have been married 14 years. It hasn't always been easy or perfect, but we're still in love with each other and he's my best friend.

   By the way I still day dream, as a writer it's necessary. However in school no one ever told me it was okay  to do. Or for that matter there was even a useful purpose for it. Instead I had to learn that one on my own.

   Life has an interesting way of teaching you exactly what you need to learn. It's almost like it was tailor made for you. So if there's any teenagers out there that think life sucks, I just want them to know, it does.(At least for now.) But becoming an adult can be a very liberating and exciting. I'm not sure if I'm even there yet? I'm still working on it, even though the wrinkles have replaced the confusion I use to feel.

Boredom + Teenager = Creative Activity

I'm a day dreamer, always have been. I also am the mother of five. (no, that's not a typo.) I love my children dearly and enjoy all the fun and excitement they bring into my life. I especially love teenagers. (yep, teenagers.) I know they can be a handful and completely exhausting, but the creativity they bring is absolutely amazing.

I thoroughly LOVE the blue hair!

A recent one I heard, "Mom, I'm not going to make curfew, cause of traffic. There's an accident on the road, but I wanted to call you so you knew I was okay. Just so you know, I wasn't in it, but because of it, I'm going to be a little late."

Priceless. Just to know they're so caring and concerned for my worrying. (However, leaving out the fact that they just left five minutes ago and it takes ten to get home.)

See what I mean, creative. I know that teenagers aren't all perfect little angels, but I also know they aren't all delinquents and hell-raisers looking for trouble every time they head out the door.

I personally feel boredom is the key ingredient for trouble. I know for me, it was a major factor in my "teenage creative activities."

Here's an example: I was fifteen years old and my brother and I decided to walk over to some local friends...at 12:30 am! Taking a shortcut through the dark and  creepy elementary school grounds (during summer break) then continuing on to our friend's house.

I don't remember what we did or why we even went out, but once we got home, the window we'd crawled out of was closed and locked!
We tried all the other windows, the sliding back door, the side door, and even the front door. All completely locked!

Mom, had figured out what we'd been up to and being the woman she was, she decided to teach us a lesson. Whether it was 2 in the morning or not.

We were forced to knock on the front door (knowing full well, she was waiting for us on the other side) hoping she'd let us in. (BUSTED!)
At that time she didn't lecture us or read us the riot act, but simply said.

"Next time you decide to sneek out, let me know where you're going."

I think that shocked me more than anything. She was so calm about the entire thing.
That was the last time I snuck out, she'd taken all the fun out of it. Looking back on it as an adult, I think that was her point.

I'm not sure if that type of parenting would go over well, at least now days, but it worked really well for me.

My parents gave us (me and my 7 siblings) a lot of room for mistakes, but they also used guilt as a deadly weapon. Typically the guilt would eat at me more that the transgression and I'd end up never doing it again or breaking down and telling them what it was I'd done.

Now having 2 teenagers and three more to come, I'm not sure if giving them room for mistakes is a healthy option or ruling with an iron fist is better? Maybe it depends on the type of kid you have?
I have learned...one way parenting, doesn't fit all children. What works with one may not work for another and in order to survive the teen years sometimes changes must be made.

What do you think? Do you think parenting skills need to evolve for some kids more than others? Or should a standard be set and never changed?