I'll Keep The Wrinkles

  Now in my late 30's I'm starting to gain a sense of self. The older I get the better life seems to become. I know a lot of people would take back their teenage bodies if they could, but I have to say I wouldn't. Honestly.

   Yes, my body isn't perfect and thin like it had once been, and stretchmarks from childbirth are apparent, however the knowledge I've gained as I've grown up, is worth every wrinkle and stretchmark I have. I feel a sense of pride with them, maybe even wearing them like a badge of honor.

   As a Teenager I felt so conflicted to who I was and what I wanted. I was gangly,  awkward, and confused. I hated high school. Especially because of the social ramifications that existed and I had much bigger dreams than where permitted in the classroom. I found school too restrictive to my personality.

   For example I was constantly in trouble for daydreaming. I don't even remember how many detentions I earned for "not paying attention."  I also was sent to the school councilor for a possible learning disorder. (Which came up inconclusive, and instead I was labeled a slacker.)

   My teen years were not the high point of my life, for me life didn't come into focus until the birth of my children and even then, it was fuzzy at times. I learned so much from watching my children grow and mature and I still learn from them on a daily basis.

   At the age of 19, I decided to marry and become a mother, by twenty two I was divorced with two children, with nothing but a high school diploma. I realized things needed to change and I was responsible for making them change, so I enrolled in college and moved back to my parents house. Can anyone say humble pie?

   Although things didn't turn out the way I had planned, (never did get that college degree I wanted) a year later I met and married a great guy that took on the responsibility of two children. Together we had three more children and have been married 14 years. It hasn't always been easy or perfect, but we're still in love with each other and he's my best friend.

   By the way I still day dream, as a writer it's necessary. However in school no one ever told me it was okay  to do. Or for that matter there was even a useful purpose for it. Instead I had to learn that one on my own.

   Life has an interesting way of teaching you exactly what you need to learn. It's almost like it was tailor made for you. So if there's any teenagers out there that think life sucks, I just want them to know, it does.(At least for now.) But becoming an adult can be a very liberating and exciting. I'm not sure if I'm even there yet? I'm still working on it, even though the wrinkles have replaced the confusion I use to feel.